The Beginning

My journey on this path began with the observation, in November 2005, of a strange indentation or dimple in my right breast. I saw it and ignored it at first. Then finally I investigated it and felt around the area and found a lump. Obviously this concerned me a great deal since all women are told to look for lumps in their breasts.

Up to this time I had never gone for a mammogram although my doctors would urge me to do so with every regular visit. So now that I had this lump I felt I better check it out. My gynecologist wrote me the prescription to get my first mammogram, along with an MRI and Ultrasound.

I first got the mammogram and it came back as nothing of particular alarm. My gynecologist said she didn't think it was much to worry about, but that I should get the MRI and Ultrasound anyway. She felt it might be breast tissue hardening, especially since I was approaching the age of 50 and lots of hormonal changes start happening around then (sigh)

So I went with that notion for several months.. probably nothing.. but I kept an eye on the dimple to see if it changed in any way and I would occasionally check the lump for changes.

The lump feels to me like a very small marble, when I press firmly I can feel a sort of rounded bead and also can feel some softer tissue around it, sort of underneath. Under my fingertip the total size feels like feels marble sized with a smaller hardened round part near the surface.

In July 2006, I decided I should look into it with an MRI since nothing had changed in all that time. Dimple was still there and visible to anyone standing 3 feet in front of me or more even. It had been a quite obvious dent since I first discovered it and every day when I undressed I would note it's continuing presence. So I became quite familiar with it's appearance.

I got my first alarming news after the MRI from my general doctor who advised I make an appointment right away with a particular breast surgeon. The MRI had confirmed a mass of irregular shape that often indicates a cancerous mass.

I made my appointment with the breast surgeon right away and was able to see him within a week. The breast surgeon viewed the MRI report and the mammogram and decided to do a Fine Needle Biopsy right there in the office. He explained because the lump was easily palpable, he felt confident he could find it with the FNA needle and extract some cells from it for examination.

The results of the biopsy were delivered to me in his office 3 days later. The delivery was worthy of an Emmy award, with the appropriate downward sad glances and worrisome looks. I think he thought he was dealing with your average weak-kneed female who may cry at any moment over the distressing news he was delivering. It felt sort of surreal, as if I was in some scripted play and someone forgot to tell me. I felt he had delivered this speech many times.

He told me that he recommended a lumpectomy and a sentinel lymph node biopsy right away followed by 5-6 weeks of radiation to the breast which would involve a 10 minute treatment 5 days a week for those 5-6 weeks. I started to ask questions about all these things. He informed me that the sentinel lymph node biopsy would check to see if there was any metastases of the cancer to the lymph nodes. I asked him if the biopsy proved malignant cancer vs benign tumor and he said that "the cells looked angry" and it was his belief that I had a malignant cancer.

He also explained the potential side effects of the sentinel lymph node biopsy in that I would have to be more careful with my right arm afterwards and watch for lymphedema and increased chance of infection in that arm. I told him I was not very careful and that would be difficult since I am quite active. Right from the beginning, I did not like the choices I was given which seemed to offer some "cure" in exchange for some risks that may affect the rest of my life.